So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sorry about my life...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
