you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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