question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
