Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
