He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
