she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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