it glows. i had to have it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
