If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
