New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So apparently I’m into choking now
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
