It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
