Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
