ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
