you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
