yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Are we still banned from the library?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
