Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
