you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
