He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
