i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
