i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
