don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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