There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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