I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
