Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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