it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
