im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
