Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
two words...techno handjob
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
