If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
