I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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