I wish I only lived at night.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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