remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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