Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
