No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
