Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
