I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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