Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
