Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
