I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
