that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
