my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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