I'm so fucking centered right now
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
