Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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