I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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