Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
