You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
