Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
