where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
