and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
