So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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