Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
