he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
