Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
