Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
