i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
