i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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