the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
