I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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